Christmas is behind us and New Year’s Eve ahead. The horde takes a reprieve from caroling and turns their attention to party preparations and cocktails. It’s a little-known fact that despite our undead state, zombies still enjoy the occasional indulgence in alcohol. Whether it’s for beer, wine or cocktails, you can usually find a few of us shambling towards the corner pub. Sure, we get the odd look from a human or even a rare scream of horror as the patrons turn and run in fear, but that doesn’t stop us from patronizing our favorite watering hole. Still, there are those nights when we’re not in the mood to deal with the public and would rather drink up at home. We’d rather gather with our own horde, share stories of our involvement in society (savory and otherwise) and enjoy a libation.
Of course, every zombie has their own taste. Some prefer spleens, others gall bladders, but there’s one cocktail we can all agree on: the zombie! Not only does it bear our namesake, it was inspired by our legendary predecessors, the Haitian voodoo zombie.
1/2 ounce white rum
1 1/2 ounces golden rum
1 ounce dark rum
1/2 ounce 151-proof rum
1 ounce lime juice
1 teaspoon pineapple juice
1 teaspoon papaya juice
1 teaspoon superfine sugar
Pineapple and papaya juice can be substituted with cherry brandy for an extra punch or orange juice if the more exotic ingredients are not available. You could even substitute coconut milk. Really, anything goes as long as it has a fruity tropical flavor. Pour the white, gold and dark rum into a Collins glass over crushed ice. Add the juice and super-fine sugar and stir. Float the 151-proof on top. If the spirits move you, light the drink on fire taking care not to burn any desiccated flesh. Humans might want to garnish with fresh mint and fruit. We prefer a metacarpal.
In practice, we’ve found that one or two of these will turn the typical human into a zombie. No infection necessary. It can come off as rather strong. If you find it’s not to your liking, cut the alcohol in half or double the juice for a sweeter drink.
From fruit to vegetables we go. It’s true that we prefer meat over veggies. It’s not a matter of a diet imbalance. It’s just what keeps us going. Nonetheless, we’re willing to make a rare exception for an exceptional cocktail. Enter the bloody Mary.
Bloody Mary (with jalapeno/garlic infusion)
1 1/2 liters vodka
6 jalapeno peppers
6 cloves of garlic
1/2 ounce of lime juice
Add the peppers and garlic to the bottle of vodka ensuring the vegetables are completely submerged. Let it set for a week, shaking occasionally. Add two ounces of the pepper vodka over crushed ice in a Collins glass, more if that’s what you’re into. Fill the remainder of the glass with vegetable or tomato juice. Add a splash of lime. Garnish with a celery stalk or a metacarpal.
If you don’t have a liter and a half of vodka handy and don’t wish to wait a week, here’s an alternate recipe for more immediate results.
Classic Bloody Mary
1 1/2 ounces (1 jigger) vodka
1/2 cup tomato juice
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
Dash of Worcestershire
Dash of Tabasco (or more if that’s how you like it)
Add the vodka, tomato juice, lemon juice, Worcestershire and Tabasco to a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Add salt and pepper to taste. Shake it up and pour into a Collins glass filled with ice. Garnish with lemon wedge, celery stalk or metacarpal.
These are both fine cocktails, but sometimes zombies just want a shot – of alcohol that is, hold your headshots, please. The brain hemorrhage is a fine way to either start or end a night of outright debauchery and limb-rending.
1 ounce peach schnapps
1 teaspoon Baily’s Irish Cream
1 dash grenadine
Pour the schnapps into a large shot glass. Float one teaspoon on top. The surface will take on a distinct brain-like character. Don’t give in to temptation. We’re not done yet. Add a splash of grenadine. Enjoy this distinct bloody brain concoction.